One thing that I have thought about recently is the importance of remembering why you love someone whether it is a spouse, child, friend, brother, sister, parent, or any other family member or acquaintance. It doesn’t seem to matter how long you have know the individual or what exactly you have been through together, sometimes it is just hard to think or remember just why you love them (especially when you are not getting along). I have come up with a solution that just might work! Make a list of good characteristics about that person or experiences that you have had with that person…reasons why you love them.
You may remember having to do this little exercise when you got into an argument with your brother or sister growing up (typically you would have to do it when you were still upset), but here is a suggestion…make the list when you are happy with that person. Keep it in a place where you can easily pull it out when you are upset or when you forget why you love them so much. Title the list “I Love You Because”.
Husbands and wives can frame these lists to hang in their bedroom so that it is a constant reminder (and also for their children to see). Children can keep this list in a journal. Just keep the list handy. Make sure you review it often whether you are in a good mood or bad mood. Share the list.
I have noticed in my marriage that when I take time to review my list about my spouse often, my love continues to grow for him. I am more willing to make a constant effort to be a better wife and friend. When we do have a disagreement or an argument over something insignificant, reviewing my list makes it easier to forgive and to forget.
Try it, let me know what you think J
Example list:
I Love You Because…
· You play with me when even when your friends come over (child)
· You respect my values and beliefs (friend)
· You call to check on me from work throughout the day when I am sick (spouse)
· You make time to hang out with me one-on-one (child)
· …
Tried this with my hubby once and he hated it, his love language is actions like cooking and cleaning for him, Writing I Love you because...meant nothing to him, where as visa versa a small letter means everything to me. We have been struggling on this ever since hence cleaning is my weakness and writing (or even saying)words of affirmation is his.
ReplyDeletesincerely, Mrs. Frustrated
I think this sounds like a great idea. :) I think it's even harder to forgive the people who are close to you than it is to forgive acquaintances.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Frustrated,
ReplyDeletemake him a deal he can't refuse. Even if you can get him to start a list and add things one at a time, it will be worth it. try doing things that are extra nice. I am sure you already know, but the whole point of figuring out your love language is to be more "accommodating" to your spouse's love language. Work at finding a common ground. The list doesn't have to be pages long, but I am sure that from your point of view, even the fact that a list was made would mean the world to you.
Give your husband a challenge to write something on the list that you did for him or that he complimented you for on the list once a week. See where it goes from there. That is my advice. Let me know what happens. I admit that sometimes it can be hard to have to make a list in one setting, but given the opportunity to do it over time may be helpful.
Marie :)
Bekah,
ReplyDeletethank you for your comment! I completely agree with you. I have found that it is a great deal harder to forgive the ones you love vs forgiving as acquaintance. That is why making this list can be very valuable to any kind of close knit relationship.
By taking the opportunity to view the list often (whether you are upset or not), you open your heart towards that person. Thanks again!
Marie :)
(this is Cindy by the way) I did this for my hubby for Valentines Day one year. I made him a book with page after page of reasons why I love him. He said that it's one of his most prized possessions. :)
ReplyDelete