To Compromise or to Collaborate…THAT is the question!

“Collaboration differs from compromise because in compromise, the parties look for an easy intermediate position that partially satisfies them both, whereas in collaboration, the parties work creatively to find new solutions that will maximize goals for them both” (W. and L. 161)

Admit it.  We have all been there thinking to ourselves, “He just doesn’t understand me” or “She isn’t even speaking English”.  Whether the argument or disagreement is over household chores, money, children, or how often he is spending time with the family (or vice versa), if not taken care of carefully and properly, a simple disagreement can turn into a vicious cycle.   One or both of you may feel like your thoughts and feelings are never taken into consideration and that the other always seems to get their way (which can turn into a sense of resentment).

The fact of the matter is that we all handle conflict differently.  Typically, people fall under one of the five conflict styles: avoidance, accommodation, competition, compromise, or collaboration.  “Style preferences develop over a person’s lifetime based on a complicated blend of genetics, life experiences, family background, and personal philosophy” (W. and L. 130).  Once a couple is able to define their individual conflict styles and tactics, they can then work together in solving problems more effectively.

Since many of us are familiar with the characteristics involved in these different conflict styles, I would like to focus on the difference between compromise and collaboration.  “Compromise is an intermediate style resulting in some gains and some losses for each party” (W. and L. 156).  However, collaboration requires more creative solutions and flexibility from both partners. 

In relationships where power is unequal and trust is not found, couples typically avoid situations that might require a compromise because something valuable has to be given up from one or both sides.  However, there are both advantages and disadvantages to compromising if done correctly.  Some of the advantages include being able to accomplish goals with less time expenditure, reinforcement of power balance between a couple, and it serves as a valuable back up tool for decision making when other methods seem to fail.  Yet a major disadvantage to compromise is that for some couples it just seems to be an easy way out.  Rather than collaborating and creatively coming up with a solution that will fit perfectly, couples turn to coin tossing or “splitting the difference”.

I would like to refer to collaboration as a team sport.  “Collaboration demands the most constructive engagement of any of the conflict styles; [it] shows a high level of concern for one’s own goals, the goals of others, the successful solution of the problem, and the enhancement of the relationship” (W. and L. 161).  Teams of any kind don’t spend their time compromising the “final play”.  Instead, they consider all of the talent and capabilities of the players before running the play.  In other words, “collaboration is an ‘invitational rhetoric’ that invites the other’s perspective so the two of you can reach a resolution that honors both of you” (W. and L. 161). 

Works Cited

W., William, and Joyce L. Interpersonal conflict. McGraw-Hill HumanitiesSocial SciencesLanguages, 2001. 130-164. Print.